So I’m sitting here in the airport, just got through the security check point. Right before that I saw my mom onto a bus to take her home, my brother and dad having taken the car home hours earlier. It was really nice to have her there with me for support and interaction before she headed home and I headed on.
I don’t like transitions.
Why? Mostly because transitions are a combination of known and unknown. The known is what is being left behind. The unknown is what is ahead. This causes me to fear that I will make the necessary jump from my current circumstances, and find out what I was hoping for or expecting lay ahead actually doesn’t exist, or isn’t as I thought it would be. This is where faith comes in, trusting that God actually cares and is watching out for me. Yeah, I’m still working on that part.
I think one big area that I am afraid of transitioning is relationships. I am afraid to branch out relationally in going to Berlin, afraid my friends here will go on without me, afraid I won’t make friends over there…
So I’m in the security line, having freshly bid farewell to my mother, realizing I am truly off on my grand adventure into the new, the unknown. In front of me there is an elderly lady who is hard of hearing and keeps ducking her head and talking to me about allergies and Florida palm fronds. Asmall Indian man behind me leans in and starts muttering about how slow the line is going, how he only has a few minutes to catch his plane, how there should not be only one person checking passports since there are three or four more just standing around. I listen to his complaints and do my best to sympathize with him, offering him my spot in line, which he turns down. He continues to go on about how everything with the security is ‘screwed’ and it is all ‘spit’ and on and on. We eventually get up to the podium, which is such a bummer because moments before he had attempted to tell his woes to the lady in front of me, and since he refused to speak up, choosing to respond to her “WHAT”s with leaning further and further in, I was really curious to see if he’d end up nuzzling her neck. With my money belt, actual belt, boots, laptop and 1 ounce bag of potentially flammable toothpaste, it takes me quite a bit off time to get through security, and I decide to tease the attendant who is me down. “Favorite part of your day huh?” He smiles, shrugs and says something indicating that favorite part of his day or not, its part of his very LONG day. After redressing, I walk to my gate. I notice the people I am passing. The newly hired newsstand employee getting chewed out by her manager, the man looking around embarrassed after spilling his water, the new parents making absolute fools of themselves repetitively while attempting to get their infant’s bright eyed reaction on film. I realize, they’re all just people. Whether they’re patting me down and this is their job, or they’re travelers just trying to get to their destination like me, they’re just people.
A large part of my fear is that the fellow students in my program won’t like me, that they won’t be compatible, that they won’t be accepting of my decision not to drink alcohol while overseas, that they’ll not want to be my friend. Then it clicks. They’re just people. Just like me. Just people.
This is when the commandment, “Fear Not” flashes through my brain. I think God made that statement because He’s able to back it up. If we choose not to give in to fear, He CAN and WILL take care of us. He won’t leave me friendless over in Berlin. Somewhere in between the tired janitor, the geeky money belt that I’m wearing as a fanny pack, and the fellow students I have yet to even meet, I get the sense that God’s taking care of me, and maybe, just maybe, I’m gonna be alright.
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You decided not to drink over there? I was not aware of this. I could see it's advantages, but am curious what your reasoning was.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'll be praying that you find some good friends and people you can lean on for support as a Christ-Follower, as I'm sure that could be helpful since most of your accountability and support will be hundreds of miles across the ocean. Love you lots. I'll have to figure out this Skype thing so I can talk to you :)